My Influences

…I had just left almost two years of intense mindfulness training at the Rochester Zen Center. I was working at a local YMCA as acting lead teacher for a pre-kindergarten class. The children, ages 4 and 5, were for the most part ethnic minorities and many came from high-risk, single-parent households. For many I was the primary male figure in their lives, a responsibility that was not lost on me, and the work I did with the children felt very meaningful.
The memories that stand out are times where my emphasis on discipline, combined with emotional support and validation, produced not only behavioral changes for the better but also a palpable sense of appreciation from my students. If I am remembered by any of the children I hope that what they remember is my emphasis on the guiding idea that "it's alright to be mad but not to be mean." The most noteworthy activity was to sit down one-on-one in a supportive, nonjudgmental atmosphere free from punishment or shame where we would talk about what they were going through. In an imaginary world we would give free reign to what they were feeling. Here, aggression soon turned to sadness and remorse, often followed by dramatic behavioral changes where defiance and acting out ceased, replaced by a sense of normalcy and harmony with the rest of the class. The children seemed to intuitively grasp and appreciate the idea that feelings are all right, it's what we do with them that can be troublesome. It did not take long before the children became comfortable expressing feelings to me directly.
Sometimes they would say, "I'm mad at you Mr. Johannes, you raised your voice and I don't like that." I would respond, " I get that, I don't like it when people raise their voices with me either, but because you kicked your friend there, I need you to have those feelings towards me while you sit in time-out over here." I took great joy in living into their worlds and seeing how they lit up when they felt fully accepted and understood without judgment while still coming up against boundaries as far as their behaviors were concerned.
Another experience that has influenced my outlook was the academic courses I took that exposed me to the realities of racism. This experience cemented my desire to incorporate a social justice and anti-racism component in my clinical work. The course-work introduced me to material, not just on a cognitive level, but it also brought home the emotional implications of the material. Concepts such as White privilege, micro-aggressions, stereotypes, the fallacy of "color blindness," institutional and legislative racism, were all brought to life by videos, news and actual current events that high-lighted what we were learning. Many of the videos showed the real life hardships, from emotional to economic, that people of color experience because of racism, and the spiritual suffering of White people, myself included, who fail to embody their full humanity when distancing from our sisters and brothers of color. Last but not least, the course brought home the need for action, that it's not enough to 'know' about these things, we have to actively work to change the system.
I had the honor of having fantastic teachers in a "Racism in the US" graduate level class that taught me how pervasive and therefore invisible White privilege is to White people, and I was asked to examine my own White privilege and the ways in which I act in ways that are racist. The teachers did a wonderful job in creating a safe environment, and because of that I was able to see how I benefit from the disadvantages of people of color -- and that to the extent that I do not actively fight this unjust system, I am a part of the problem. The course softened and enlarged my heart while also making me aware of the intricate ways in which racism plays out and the many ways I have been and most likely continue to be blind to it.